Jealousy Is Overrated.

I'm really not in a good mood today. I rarely am anymore, even if no one notices, but I wanted someone to know, who cares if people can see this? It wouldn't even matter. All I know is that right now, I have to say something. I have to bring all my feelings out somehow, in the only way I know how-through writing.

It's true that I really don't like myself. I have some low self esteem issue, and sometimes it's just something I can't stop myself from believing. Especially when you have the perfect sister like I do. Yeah, all pretty and all perfect. Perfect body, perfect behavior, all posh and nice. We went to training tis afternoon, and one of the kids we were tasked to teach for a while was all 'Crush ko siya! (She's my crush!)' and she was like, 'Uy, narinig niyo yun? (Hey, you heard that?)'. See, she's perfect.

I don't even like entertaining these kinds of feelings because I hate it when I feel jealous. My dad used to tell me that it's bad to be jealous, but then I found out that it's really hard to stop myself when it comes around.

"If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain and bitter;

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. "

-Desiderata

My family used to live by this poem, and now it haunts me because I can't stop myself. It wasn't my sister's fault that I hate myself, though, that sort of brouhgt itself upon me throughout my thirteen years in this life, but it's pressing down on me much more aggressively now because of my realization about it. And it hurts.