It strikes me funny (and sad, really) whenever someone calls me pretty. I don't know, it' s like people suddenly forgot what in the world 'pretty' actually looks like. I mean, to me, there are three ways to be pretty:
1. The first one's really the ordinary pretty that everyone idolizes. It's stupid, really, how we act like they rule the world and we're way below them. This is one of the reasons why I hate it when we call people pretty. This is why I try to find the true beauty before I even start thinking about telling someone that he (in this case, handsome) or she is pretty. Everyone thinks it's such a compliment, but what about those that aren't? You still think it's so nice and flowery and gives you that warm fuzzy feeling inside? Well, I don't. I honestly believe that when you're pretty this way, kudos to you, but I still wish that everyone would open up their eyes. Just because they're gorgeous like that doesn't mean you're any lower than them. It's just that they are, and you deserve to be praised that way too, and if you aren't then maybe we should be friends and I'd tell you that you're beautiful everyday. The way you really are, and not the way they are.
2. Of course comes the 'pretty deep, deep, down inside'. So we all know the cliche quotes and all the cheezy lines about this one. They even have the reality shows and sitcoms to prove that golden hearts are better than being beautiful, but is that really it? I think, if we all talk in this context, everyone is pretty. Yes, everyone. Even those antagonists on TV (that I believe are derived from real people) are beautiful this way, and I'm not talking about that small bit of kindness in everyone that the fairytales talk about. What I'm saying is that if there are people with golden hearts in being good, there are most definitely people with golden hearts in being bad. If that's too hard to grasp, just think of it this way: you know how we Filipinos like to use fermented fish and salt (anchovies) with unripe mangoes? Well, those mangoes are unripe, so they taste good, and when they reipen, they taste good too! So that's it, right? It's a win-win situation for everyone, because now we're all golden and kind and perfect. Actually, that's not true either. Of course there are always people who fail at every category (you better believe it), and in this case are the people that feel nothing... or at least act like it. This isn't the same as when someone falls for another, and that person simply can't reciprocate, because at that moment there's always a gnawing sense of guilt that maybe it's your fault that you can't love and not his or her unattractiveness. I'm simply saying that there are people (some from that situation, but not always) that feel nothing at all, and when you open them up on the autopsy table, what's left is a gaping hole in the middle of their chests because there was nothing in there anyway.
3. The third is being vain. Of course, I am obviously guilty of this, but taking pictures of yourself and uploading them just to ruin them in Paint probably isn't the same as just smiling because you know you're from Category #1 and WAY better than everybody else in the whole world.
So, yeah, I'm vain, but I'm still not pretty because I'm not vain that way. While the rest of the world sits down on their vanity table and compliments themselves for being so damn gorgeous, I'm standing in front of the bathroom mirror and trying to fix my hair without looking at my face because I'm scared of ruining my eyes further. It's not so bad, really, I just can't look at a mirror or get myself to ask the photographer to show me my 1x1 picture (which, by the way, never seem to look like how I imagined them to be) before he prints it and I get distraught all over again. I'm not part of those people that make puffy faces and enlarge their eyes whenever a camera's around because they know that whatever happens they will still be queen of the world-I'm part of those that run away from the picture-taking-monster-with-a-big-flashing-light-for-eyes thing like it's some fire-breathing dragon dying to burn me into itsy bitsy pieces. Although I think this way doesn't mean that the people who do play with their faces while in front of the camera and can't seem to get away from reflective surfaces aren't ugly-they're just vain at the same time.
So by stating those things in a very boring manner and using deep shi**y words that make me seem like I know what I'm doing, I subconsciously made everyone believe that I'm ugly. I hope.
