"Mom, I want to be an astronaut." I used to say that every time my mom asked me what I would be when I grew up. I never knew where the dream came from; I was just an impulsive little child that didn't know anything about what lay beyond the reach of my fingertips. I talked to my family in squeals of delight and bouts of laughter and they would talk back in smart and patient responses that they knew I wouldn't understand anyway. They had lived in their own worlds of broken dreams and recurring problems while I enjoyed in my little universe of happiness, and I said I want to be an astronaut so I could go and explore my universe.
The problem is, every little child with her petty dreams will someday grow up, having had her eyes opened to the painful truths of the world, but I am very thankful to the things that awakened me. I am far from grateful. I am ecstatic that I have been given the chance to see the world in the way it is made, and not how it used to look to me.
Three years ago a teacher of ours told us about some program that brought kids to Japan to exchange cultures and such. I was excited. Of course back then it was only an opportunity to travel the world, meet new people, and widen my horizons. At least, it seemed that way until I got accepted and I learned what the purpose of the whole thing was. After some time I learned to comprehend that the world isn't made out of my childish perceptions and that the things on TV weren't just tall stories that other kids like me made up to entertain themselves. Somehow, the world I lived in was just an enclosure of peace while the world everyone else breathed and stayed in was full of real wars and misunderstandings. In a way the APCC made me realize that my enclosure of peace wasn't mine alone. It was shared by many young children that were probably still too naive to believe reality... and adults that have grown into respectable people that have learned to hope that we can connect with each other, even though we are all different.
Going to the Marine Camp showed me that not all people looked like me and had the same dark brown skin and black hair. Some others spoke straight english while others couldn't even say things in a language that we could understand, but because of a friend that I had made there, everything seemed bright and shining again-she restored my faith in an Earth where everyone could live in that place where everything is just and right.
She was a Chinese girl that I never could understand because of her limited communicating skills and patience. I got along nicely with everyone else but her. For some reason, she was just as frustrated at me as I was at her, so we didn't get around to befriending each other till later in our stay at the marine camp. One night she broke my bracelet. That bracelet was given to me by my best friend that I had been missing terribly, and of course she couldn't say a proper sorry because first, she couldn't speak English and second, she didn't want to. I was devastated. I thought, maybe this is why the world is so against each other-because we can't even understand each other, but on the last day of our stay there, she hugged me at a party and we looked at each other, and even if I only understood it from her eyes, I knew that she was sorry.
And from then on I believed that the APCC had been pursuing a noble dream, and I now know that I want to join that cause. I wanted to truly be a part of the people that build bridges and connect every person with another.
So now I know why I wanted to be an astronaut. It was because I wanted to learn about the universe I was in, I wanted to know the truth. I am now thirteen and I know what the world holds in store for every new kid that ventures out to explore it. I know now that my unintelligible murmurs when I was a baby was understood by those around me, because in a way, we can all understand each other. It was just like how I understood my Chinese roommate even though we spoke in different tongues. They still live in the sad world that humanity has pressed down upon us, but I am sure that they know of that alternate world that is filled with love and happiness and that from time to time they visit there. I know because now I live in my own broken world of sorrows and doubts, but I will never forget the dream that the APCC and Bridge club had helped me instill in myself, and I shall always be moving forward to achieve it, and looking back to relive it. I wanted to be an astronaut so I could see the stars and the planets, now I want to be me so I could make peace and build connections with the APCC and the Bridge Club rooting for me and my fellow JAs as we continue our journey through life and its troubles, nailing down one plank of wood at a time.
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